I missed last Monday, so I want to get this in under the wire today.  I’m thankful for being a mama, I’m thankful for this perfect person who is in my life and thankful for this path she has set me on. If it weren’t for her I wouldn’t be a doula, I wouldn’t be an educator and I wouldn’t be an ICAN Co-Leader.
I’m also thankful for Ani DiFranco and her brutal honesty on her birth. I think we need to hear more of this, how hard it can be to give birth and also how hard it can be to reconcile ourselves as new mothers.

Ani on Mindful Mama

I like muffins, they are easy to throw together, easy to freeze for mornings when we are on the run and good to take to meetings!  I can make these gluten free using domata flour and make them with white wheat flour.  It depends on who I’m cooking for.

Eliza’s low sugar muffins

1 stick (1/2 a cup) butter

2 1/2 cups flour (I use white-wheat or gluten free but could also use all purpous)

1/4 cup honey

1/4 cup sugar

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 eggs

1 cup buttermilk

Preheat oven to 400*  grease a 12-muffin pan or 24-mini muffin pan (the mini muffins are great for little hands!)

Cut cold (or frozen) butter into flour, mash (I use a potato masher) butter and flour until there are no more big clumps of butter.

Add the sugar, baking powder, baking soda and salt, stir until blended.

In a small bowl whisk together eggs and buttermilk then add this to the dry mixture until combined.

Add a cup of any type of fruit you have on hand, in the winter we generally use frozen.

Bake large muffins for 20-25 minutes, mini muffins for 15-20 minutes until golden brown.  Let cool for 5 minutes then remove from pan onto wire cooling rack.  Enjoy!

In honor of world breastfeeding week today I’m thankful for breastfeeding.  I’m especially thankful for my midwife saving my breastfeeding relationship a few days after we were home from the hospital.  I wish everyone had someone like Audra come to their house and help them post-cesarean when their milk didn’t come in within the first few days.

I started supplementing with formula when I was in the hospital, I had no idea what to do with this tiny baby who wouldn’t stop crying and wanted to nurse all the time.  My nipples were sore and nothing I was doing would help.  Brian walked her around the room, we even tried a pacifier, like I said, nothing was working.  The lactation consultant had me start pumping the day before but there was nothing coming out but a tiny bit of colostrum (as it should be!) I was so frustrated that I called the nurse in and asked for formula.  I continued to nurse then offer formula after for the next day.  When Audra came to my house for the postpartum visit she talked to me about breastfeeding, told me if I wanted to salvage my breastfeeding relationship I had to stop supplementing.  She also showed me how to nurse lying down and really gave me the information and support I needed.  I realized that if I wanted to do this I had to stop with the supplementing and I did.

Breastfeeding was hard in the beginning, I had to take it one step at a time.  Once we made it to one month I was elated.  Then we made it to three months, six months and a year.

I didn’t want to stop at a year, my baby wasn’t ready and neither was I  The WHO says breastfeeding should be continued up to two years and beyond, as long as it’s mutually agreeable.  Then we hit a year and a half, I stopped pumping at work for her and she started drinking other milks.  Now, she will be three October 2nd, we aren’t nursing as much as we used to but we are still nursing at least once a day.  I’m not committed to doing child lead weaning, but I’m open to nursing until I get to a point where it doesn’t work for me, at this point it’s not bothering me and I’m able to have a few minutes a day cuddled up and enjoying our time together.

Happy breastfeeding everyone!

Lately I’ve been thinking about loss, loss of loved ones, loss of dreams, loss of ideals.  Recently my grandmother passed away, it was an unexpected illness that very quickly did a downward spiral.  I have been reminded how much time I spent with her when I was a child and how much time I didn’t spend with her as an adult, especially in her last years when she lived in Florida.  I can’t turn back the clock and reclaim that time but I can honor her memory, what she taught me, the things she used to do and my favorite times with her.  I now have a box of Fenton glass I haven’t worked up the gumption to go through.  I think once I’m ready it will sink in, she is really gone and I will have the legacy of what she left me, a love of all things glass, an understanding of God and a yearning to preserve food.

A week we lost another family member, Brian’s cousin, Michael.  I barely knew him but his loss was felt wholeheartedly by family and friends, he was only 27 and a father to three young boys.  I can’t fathom the feelings of his family, his mom, dad, sisters and brother or the mother of his children.  I’ve never seen a funeral home as full as it was for the viewing or the funeral, there was standing room only and even then most of the area around the chairs was taken.

Both of these losses has been a strong reminder for me to be thankful for what I do have, the love of a beautiful child, the love of an excellent father and partner who supports me in so many things, a roof over my head and the ability to make money doing something I absolutely love.  In light of these things, and as a weekly reminder to me I’m instituting Thankful Mondays.  Each Monday I will post about something I’m thankful for, something that is going right or something I’m working on as a reminder that life is short and we all need to appreciate the small things in life.

Today I’m thankful for my garden.  I was able to make a pasta sauce yesterday completely from scratch using food from my garden.  I started with olive oil, garlic and onion until it was soft, added eggplant until it was soft and then tomatoes and cooked it for a coupe of hours, then right before eating I added fresh basil.  This is one of my favorite meals and it’s so good when made from food that is fresh from the garden (I went out and picked the tomatoes and eggplant before cooking!)  I always make a big batch to freeze too, it’s a nice taste of summer in the middle of winter.  Of course, I couldn’t post without pictures!

It’s been a busy spring around here, we have been growing lots of flowers/perennials and lots of food!  We even had some fungus come up, it’s been great to teach Oli about fungus and pretending the fairies life under them.  This is the third year we’ve been in our house and each year we tweak the garden a bit, add to our plants, fill in spots and pull weeds.  Weeds need a longer process to break down in compost, we need to heat them enough to kill off the seeds so they won’t germinate.  We use our compost in the garden to feed the vegetables as well as the perennials so it’s important to not plant seeds that will take up vital nutrients from our plants.  Happy gardening everyone!

Fungus from all the rain we have had lately!

Fungus growing in our yard

Now onto the plants!

Love this fern

Hostas and dead nettle

Working on growing thyme between the stepping stones

We like moss!

Lilies from my grandmother Eliza

Yarrow

Lavender

Astilbe

Almost in bloom

Now onto the food!

Itty bitty alpine strawberries.  Hoping for fruit next year.

Traditional strawberries on the bottom, raspberries on the top.

Lettuce and tomato

Lettuce and garlic

Spinach and pumpkin

Baby asparagus, first year!

Next year they will be yummy!

Zucchini

Mint, what do you do with all of this besides refreshing teas/drinks?

Oregano

Cilantro and chives

Lavender

Thyme

Onions and basil

Oompa’s garden and the big bed behind it

Where it all begins!  We also have overflow under the tarps, weeds we are trying to heat up and kill the seeds.

How we mow our yard

I joined the Army when I was 17 years old, I did a delayed entry program where I spent about a year still in high school promised to enter after I graduated.  In July I went to Ft McClellan Alabama and went into culture shock with a drill sergeant yelling at me for every.little.thing.  I had to ask to use the bathroom, ask to move, thank them for making me do pushups/situps.  It was a game to get through, something to endure and learn to let roll off of my back.  I can’t say I ever got it down to a science but I learned a lot and figured out how to deal with someone in my face telling me something I didn’t want to hear.

After active duty Army I worked in dialysis for a number of years.  Working with chronically ill patients is both a blessing and a curse.  It can be hard to balance the reality of seeing these people every day and also have their lives in your hands.  Lines can be blurred when you see them on a regular basis and it can be hard when people are grumpy, not feeling well from dialysis and other complications that also go along with dialysis.  There have been times when I have been yelled at for not putting tape at the right place, for sticking up for a co-worker when a patient called him an ass, and a whole laundry list of other things.  I can’t say none of these instances got to me, but eventually I was able to let it go and move on.

The last full time job I had was working in politics.  I joked with close friends I worked for “The Devil Wears Prada” called my boss “Prada” for short, actually when I recently used his real name my friend asked me who I was talking about.  Since I’ve had some time away I completely understand his need for perfection, but having my background in health care and the military I had a hard time taking him and situations that would come up with as much seriousness as I should, after all we weren’t talking about a dangerously low blood pressure or war tactics.  There were many times I was talked to by Prada because I had done something wrong, I dealt with it, let it roll off my back and went upon my way.  It’s been almost 3 months since I left that job and as much as I didn’t care for the job, it was another part of the path on my journey to where I am today and I’m very grateful for the opportunity and experience working there.

I trained in November and December as a doula through both Birthing From Within and DONA.  I’ve done my first certifying births and they have all been special and the mama’s have all been amazing.  I still can’t believe that these families have chosen me to help them with their births and I’m completely humbled by these experiences.  One particular birth had me reaching into my past and pulling on the strengths I have and skills I’ve learned over the years.  I was threatened to be kicked out of the delivery room by the doctor because I wasn’t keeping my client under control. After the mom delivered her baby I had to ask this doctor fill out a form for me, I followed her out of the door, into the hall and asked her to fill out the form.  She lectured me about keeping my client better under control and that SHE didn’t mind that my client was making noise but other staff may mind.  She told me (again) I was close to being kicked out of the room because my client wasn’t quiet.  She did write on the form I needed to keep better control of my client.  I told her I understood where she was coming from because I did understand, it’s easier to deal with someone if they are quiet when they are in labor.  The thing about it was, this mom was in transition dealing with the urge to push when she wasn’t completely dialated.  The doctor also lectured me about other parts of the labor and delivery that the mom said she didn’t want to happen when first arrived.  It’s a hard predicament to be in, how do you control someone who is in labor, without drugs and coping well?  There isn’t really a way to do that, it’s a matter of supporting the mom the best way you can, working with mom and dad (this dad completely rocked as labor support!) to work through each contraction as they come, one at a time, 3 more, then 3 more after that until it’s time to push.  After my interaction with the doctor I had this ah-ha moment when I KNEW the reason for my path to this point in my life.  It was something where I felt slightly freaked out because I had so much clarity and an overwhelming feeling that I’ve been training for this all my life.

This morning the munchkin and I were sitting on the couch, enjoying some Sesame Street when there was a knock on our door.  We didn’t expect anyone over, the neighbor that sometimes stops by wouldn’t have gotten in the gate, Izzy (the little dog) doesn’t care for him too much so there would have been barking.  So I opened the door to a woman I’ve never met before.  It was our neighbor a few houses down.  She introduced herself then told me our dogs were down the street.  Mind you, I haven’t put on a bra, have a thin t-shirt type shirt on and now have to go chasing the dogs!  I don’t have small breasts by any measure and the lack of bra was slightly embarrassing.  Then I met the neighbors husband.  Prior to shaking his hand I had my arms under my breasts to hold them in place, I let go with one hand and shook his hand but I’m sure my face was bright red.  Luckily Izzy comes when she is called and I sent her home.  Dexter on the other hand, well, he’s old and stubborn.  Even when I got to where he was, he refused to move in the direction of the house.  So, had to walk up to him, touch him to get him to move.  Happy Saturday everyone!

The offenders:

Today was my first time riding a bike in a looong rime. Originally I bought a bike 4 (or so) years ago and it sat in my living room and drove my roommate crazy, I’m sure.  Now, I’m determined to ride on a regular basis and teach my child about sustainability by taking the first step or should that be petal?  I didn’t go far, just over to Rachel’s house to pick up seed potatoes.  It didn’t wipe me totally out but I was having doubts going up a slight incline right before reaching her house.  Oompa wanted to go with me but for the first ride, I figured I should stick with just me testing out the streets, I’m a bit of a klutz.  All in all it was a positive experience, drivers were aware of me and I didn’t hit a (parked) car or crash my bike!